There are many different actions someone can commit in a relationship to cause alertness in their partner, especially so early on in a romantic relationship.
I’m going to pick on the millennial generation primarily because I am one, while also it’s the largest group encountering red flags regularly.
I have encountered these repetitive actions that almost always generate red flags, or in most cases are red flags.
Actions that either are or generate red flags
Exerting more effort than the other person:
Effort levels are a primary indicator of whether or not the relationship is balanced and pursuing the same goal. If these effort levels ever become one sided, this can indicate a problem, which can create red flags moving forward.
For example, person A travels to person B more often than B to A. This could be that A spends more time travelling to person B’s house, while also staying there longer, than B travelling to A’s and staying with them.
Welcome the attainability metric, which in and of itself can be a red flag. It is the idea of whether or not both individuals understand one another, and who is ready to commit and who is not.
This area is important to address quickly, and needs to be communicated within the start of the romantic relationship.
Understanding your effort levels will provide you a logical look into who is more attainable within the relationship.
This is a delicate situation if the relationship is at this state.
It might be that one person has a barrier and will not let the emotions pass, maybe they question their ability to give or feel, or they could possibly have strong feelings and just not know how to express them.
In any case, communication and an open mind will benefit you. Ask direct questions, and allow them to answer. Give yourself time to think about what you want in a relationship as well.
If you’re feeling more attainable in the relationship, go out with your friends and fall back into the life outside of the relationship as well. This will exert independence, and force a conversation.
I have no doubt this sounds familiar to most of you reading this.
At some point we all feel as if we are either willing to put forth the effort or we are not, and I am sure you have experienced the repercussions on both sides of the spectrum.
Spending too much time inside the home TOGETHER.
Don’t get me wrong, spending intimate time with your partner is very important. However, with technological advances I feel it is getting easier to entertain ourselves within our homes, rather than relying on the outside world to do that.
I believe we may be reaching a point of turning every night into a Netflix or Hulu night, and not out experiencing something. Learning about your partner is also very important, and should not be taken for granted.
This no doubt has a direct affect on the rate of boredom within a relationship, another term you may be familiar with. Boredom of your partner can be devastating within a relationship. It will not only result in a red flag, it will generate them as the relationship grows.
In early relationships time needs to be spent doing things with each other that require you to exceed your comfort zones. It will provide each of you insights into what the other person likes and dislikes, and will reveal similarities and differences between you two. You independently will discover things about yourself as well that you probably didn’t know.
So, stay away from things that will directly impact the rate of boredom in the relationship, because if you don’t you are most likely headed towards my next point…
Too much time spent mentally distant from a partner.
If I had to choose a red flag that I encountered most in my previous relationships, this would take the crown. I have questioned and also been questioned in previous relationships.. “Am I happy in this relationship? What does the perfect relationship look like? Do I see this going anywhere? What is the other person thinking?”
These thoughts are no good, and gradually pushing you to the point of break where you either react hysterically because the other person has been ignoring you, or you come in hot with a flood of statements as to why you’re not happy.
Aside from the mental chaos of distance, we have other things on our minds like careers, social lives and self enlightenment.
This part is important for early romantic relationships. We need to learn the ambitions and primary drivers of our partner, as well as figure out our own shit too.. Understand how to make your goals align and progress forward. It will give you a better sense of their environment that will lie outside the relationship.
Much of being distant comes from bad timing, and loss of emotion. It can be intentional or completely unintentional. The better you understand how to approach it the better you can address the red flag.
Romantic relationships are hard, and time consuming
Hell yeah they are, they are also packed full of unexpected events, high moments, low moments, confusion, happiness, frustration and a billion other variables, not to mention it’s early in the relationship too!
Early relationships are like learning a new skill. It takes time, patience, commitment, passion, will power, and many other emotional and logical actions to get to where you want to be.
So my advice, stop and think about the relationship and the amount of effort you are putting forth. Think about the amount of time you are both spending together inside of your home or outside. Finally, if you sense any distance coming from either you or your partner, address it, the earlier the better.
It’s normal to experience red flags in romantic relationships, just address them and think to yourself if they are something that can be fixed, you can live with, or ultimately decide the future of the relationship.
I hope you enjoyed the read. If you are wondering if your newly founded relationship is experiencing red flags, and how you might address them, or even better get your partner to help address them with you, check out our app HeartVisor.
It tracks your relationship using 3 metrics;
- The time you spend travelling to and from each other’s house.
- The time spent together inside the home v.s. outside the home.
- The amount of time you spend venturing out on dates or experiencing new things.
It then uses the MACD to show you any discrepancies of your daily routine together. It also offers smart tips on how to approach the situation.