This summer, you’re gonna need more than sunscreen
Lately, there seem to be more unfortunate dating trends than there are games in the World Cup. We’ve all heard of ghosting–being ghosted at least once is part and parcel of using apps like Tinder or Hinge. We can thank social media for allowing us to ditch accountability for our actions in this digital dating age. Now, there’s a whole slew of behaviors evolved from millenials feeling like they can do whatever they want entering the modern romance scene. It’s life imitating social media.
One of the newest symptoms of digital dating includes but is not limited to freckling.
Freckling is the opposite of cuffing, or finding someone to cozy up to for the winter when you have an extra layer or two around the midsection.
Instead of drinking hot chocolate together and wearing matching cable knits, think more palomas and swimsuits. It’s the old summer fling, and it’s over by the time your tan fades and the freckles on your shoulders disappear. In other words, if your relationship burns hottest between Memorial Day and Labor Day, you’ve been freckled. Relationships that may result in freckling show two signs: they move fast and involve one partner being more selfish than the other.
If you’re interested in building a relationship that lasts, you’re probably going to take things slow. Summer flings, however, burn fast before fizzling out. Even with all of the excitement that comes with dating someone new, it’s hard to maintain such hot and heavy time together for longer than a couple months. A partner who’s looking for nothing more than summer romance isn’t going to put any work into the relationship once the dopamine wears off.
If you look at the trend of your time together, ideally, you want things to evolve over time. Each week, your time together should increase at a steady rate. If you go from the first date to spending every night with your partner, you’re not building a foundation that can last for your relationship.
Figure 1. Chart of a healthy relationship. The amount of time that a couple spends together increases progressively. You can track the time you spend with your date with our free app HeartVisor.
A partner interested in a seasonal romance probably won’t want to invest the energy to put equal effort into the relationship. Indications of lower effort could include anything from long response times during texting to not spending enough time at your place. (But if your place has the AC and your partner always wants to come over, that might be a whole separate issue.)
Because social media usage has decreased our level of accountability and increased our need for instant gratification, someone interested in freckling you won’t feel guilty about insisting that you come to them to meet their needs. They’re looking for low investment and high, quick rewards. A relationship that will last past September should show equal levels of effort being put into the time you spend together.
Figure 2. The hours that each spend at his/her partner. In this example, we can clearly see that the time that Bill spends at Anna’s remained constant, while Anna started visiting Bill much more.
When you’re wrapped up in the excitement of a new relationship, you can be blinded by your emotions, which means it’s hard to see what’s really happening. Plus, it’s human nature to avoid that niggling feeling that something might be wrong when it doesn’t fit the narrative we’re crafting for ourselves. This is why evaluating your relationship for time spent together and equal effort can give you transparency and a little more foresight.